bad day



Everyday i have headache. Every bloody day in the week. Every day in every week of the year. I can't exactly remember when it started becoming a daily thing but i think it was 2006, maybe 2007. I can't remember...

Thing is... i went to my doctor yesterday. She gave me an appointment for an MRT at November 30, 9 o'clock in the morning. Well, that's good I think. But actually.... i am really afraid. I am totally afraid. Not just since yesterday but sicne a few weeks. The more i thought about my daily headache the more i start being afraid of it. Being kinda scared...

I really hope it won't be the 'worst case'...
bad day

plans for 2011 and stuff and so on o_O


Well, my last 'real' entry is pretty long ago as I see... May was the last one and the last not so serious one was in June... well, 'kay... so it seems to be a very good time to write another 'real' one (i hope you can understand what i wanna say... my english is still not perfect, especially my expression - and it will never be - but... i'm trying my best as usually)

Let me see, what can I tell you now?
I feel fine. Not very good, but fine. My throut is a tiny bit sore but i'm used to it 'cause that's totally normal for me in the time of my favorite season - autumn! (I really prefer the word 'autumn' instead of 'fall'...)

University will start again at Monday, October 11th. Hope everything will be all right. I am always missing the damn listings were you have to put your name on for the different courses and so... ôo that's kinda embarrassing... well, doesn't matter. I will get into the courses i wanna be like always *coughs* The next semester would be a bit relaxing if everything will work like i thought.
Ah, by the way... there is one thing i really regret. A few months ago i said that i prefer writing a test paper instead of a big written test/written examination. Well, after i had to write to big term papers for my two topics i really have to say: a written test is much better. You just have to learn like a mad for them but.... it's over much sooner than a term paper.

Next topic: my mum.
As you know, my mum's always a topic for my journal entries and i think it's really a good idea that i'm using to talk about her in here. It's easier for me to see the progress she makes when i'm re-reading old entries of mine reminding my feelings in that moments. Well, my mum is doing pretty well. The speaking is still a bit mixing of words but she's getting it a bit better everyday. I can talk with her in a kind of normal way. I can start whole discussions with her about something. Well, i'm still the one who is saying the most but she starts to express her opinion towards the topic which is on right at the moment and i think that's good. Also, my brother starts to talk with her and understand much better. It's still my aunt who makes everything a bit complicated with my mother. But i hope this will change soon.
My Mum is still not really able to talk with a stranger properly and she seems to be evry afraid if another person starts to talk with her. But i noticed that a loot of shopkeepers of the boulevard near our flat have noticed that my mother can't speak but they know what she's wanting. And mum is not to much embarrassed to ask me if i could write a special thing/name down onto a sheet of paper for her which she can handle to the shopkeeper. That's a pretty good way to solve some problems with communication.
There is just one thing which is making me a bit sick... a few months ago i thought she is now able to control her laughing attacks 'cause she didn't laugh about every tiny word i said and it was a pretty good feeling i had. well, two months ago she started to laugh about EVERYTHING again and it's really annoying from time to time. I am always trying to take it with a nice dash of humour but... sometimes i don't feel like she's taken me seriously enough even if i know that she can't control that and doesn't want to laugh that much. I hope it will get better soon... 'cause i don't really know how long i can take it...

Next: My holiday!
I was travelling through the country - by train, even if i really really really hate travelling by train. I was spending a few days in Bielefeld at my friend Insü Lloyd :) It was pretty funny to take a ride into a city which doesn't exist XD (A little explaination for all non-Germans: A lot of people say that Bielefeld does not exist, that it's just an illusion and you're getting brainwashed for thinking that you're in Bielefeld but in real Bielefeld is not there. It's some kind of joke people created. You can see it as some kind of parody to all that conspiracy theories in the world. It's really funny and i noticed that even books and comics about the so called "Bielefeld Verschwörung" do exist XD)
Insü and i had a lot of fun and her small flat was pretty nice - even if i hit my head three time on the droop in the kitchen when i wnated to take something pout of the fridge o.O"
After these few days i travelled to my dear friend Becky near Dresden. BUT!!! But before i arrived in Dresden i had a tiny stop in Leipzig. I met murmeldjur  and pfefferhahn  (Micha, when did you change your name on LJ? *rofl*) for the first time of my live in real *g* We just had 25 to 30 minutes but it was a nice meeting, i think. i enjoyed it :)
Well, i arrived in dresden and spen almost two weeks at Becky's Home in Freital near Dresden. We had a lot of fun but also a lot of stress because of her Japan Weekend after her 22nd birthday. I am not really used to be at a party or anything else in that direction and i am not used to have more than ten people around me (school doesn't count!) in one fucking living room... but it was a nice time. even if i felt a bit strange here and there...

So, my that have been my holidays in a very compact version of a summary :P Let's go move on with.... birthday o.O"
I still can't believe that i am not a teenager anymore. No, i really cannot believe that i am twenty years old now... okay, it's like two years ago after i couldn't beleive i'm eighteen and officially full age oO" but this time my b-day hasn't been a bad day. it was quite a nice day. no one was getting onto my nerves, no 'damn.. why did he/she have to come to me now?!'-persons, and a lot of very very very nice greetings :D thank you guys! love ya very much :D

Final topic is coming now, i think...
My plans for 2011.
Yeah, i know the year isn't over now and it's just end of September/start of October but i have some plans for the future.
First things first: I wanna visit the Leipzig Book Fair again. Yep, i really want to. And i really hope that i am not getting lost there again. Okay, if i get lost i will have my phone in my bag this time *coughs* The funny thing next time will be that Becky and I do not need to take the train from Dresden to Leipzig again 'cause she is going to study and live in Leipzig itself. So we just have to take the tram to the book fair and maybe we're not just one day there but two or three :) that would be pretty cool. And maybe i can meet some peeps of the Doctor Who & Torchwood Cosplay group of mexx *rofl* for taking some funny photos and so... ^^ And i also could take a faster train from Rostock to Leipzig without changing the trains in Berlin or Schwerin or wherever it would be. *g*
Well, second plan is something bigger... yeah, it's really much bigger than my first trip. I would really like to visit the FedCon, the greatest scifi convention you can find here in Germany. I'm pretty lucky to know a few nice people in Dortmund where I can stay for these days and Dortmund is not far away from Düsseldorf ;) So i don't need to book a hotel room or anything like that *breathing a sigh of relief* And i won't be alone there *g* well, and i also would like to do a ghostbusters cosplay on one day. I had that idea when i held my GB DVDs in the hands and was starring at the cover *lmao* the best ideas are always coming to you in a kinda ordinary or strange or just completely stupid way XD I really hope that everything will work like i'm planning it.

and now somethiing to laughfor the end ;)
ten geeky

What's your Geek Level?

Geek Adept

You scored 74% geek!

There is no turning back from this point. You've gotten hopelessly lost on the road to geekiness, and you'll never find your way back to a legitimate social standing amongst the non-geeks. All hope may not be lost, though. You possess a distinct understanding of what it means to be a geek, and have likely embraced such horrid addictions as roleplaying and comic book collecting with pride. You're respected within the geek community, and lesser geeks defer to your immense database of useless knowledge. You probably live with your mother.

Link ->

Schreibhemmung: U.F.O.s o.O

Do you believe in UFOs? Do you have a gut dis/belief or do you rely on empirical proof?

uhm.. I'm sorry? Are you really asking ME that question?! O_O

*points behind her at the "I WANT TO BELIEVE" Poster of Mulder's basement office* that say's enough, doesn't it?

Well, i also have to say.. i have seen some of them a few years ago, so... why the hell should i not believe in U.F.O.s? (I know, they don't have to be extraterrestrial 'cause UFO just meens unknown flying object but hey... who cares?)

random stuff, random stuff

Damn. my head. it hurts. PRETTY MUCH! T_T

well, okay.. i don't wanna cry here around 'cause of my headache (a real abd one this time...) but... *sigh*

...but a very good 'friend' left me. my beloved (desktop) computer. After I came back from my trip to Saxony he began to do something i found really strange: he turned himself off. i wasn't able to start him anymore. just a lot of hours later i was able to do but then, half an hour later he turned himselkf off again. just only one day he did not do this.

Well, a cousin of mine and a friend of him, who has to do with computers in his job, told me that it's maybe over now. Could be possible 'cause the computer would be 9 years old at the end of this year - just the harddrive and the monitor and the "i don't wanna work for u!"/nasty cd writer are younger =/

i think.. at the weekend i'm going to open the tower of the computer and look how long he will do it without his "skin". I will try to save some files which are only on this PC and not on my netbook or on my laptop. Yes, i'm having a 'real' laptop since a few weeks. It's somekind of 'replacing tool' for the desktop PC. I know that my lappi will never replace my beloved desktop pc but... well, you know *sigh*

My laptop made a lot of problems too at the start. first thing was... it was just that cheap 'cause Linux was on it. i rapidly noticed that i am too stupid and to dumb for Linux. So i tried to put WinXP on it. it didn't want to work the first time -.- but two weeks ago (or three?) i managed everything to kick Linux and put Windos XP - original software of course (from my desktop pc!)! - onto it. well, fine. But... i was really laughing with a lot of sarcasm in it when Microshit told me that the key for activation is not correct and that i'm a victim of product piracy. well, thank you for nothing, microshit! -.- I managed to activate windows a few days later *sigh* then i had a very long battle with the graphic board 'cause winxp wasn't able to find out what kind of  graphic board it is. yeehaw.. i looked around for the driver, installed it... and the whole widescreen collapsed from 1024x768 to 648x420 pxl or so. that was NOT funny! but now i have a very nice 1366x768 screen in front of me. pfeew...

So much for the computer sadness and problems and so on...

University is almost killing me but that's nothing new. well. my new Latin teacher is a kinda weird man... i don't like him really much. and not just only 'cause of the fact that he thought my last name belonges to a male person *rolleyes* i can't stand that.... idiot -.- his sense of humor is pretty weird. too weird for me and that's something rare! *sigh*

my two partners for a presentation in Philosophy seem to completely ignore me. i wrote an email on Friday to them, asking, what we're doing now exactly and i didn't get an answer up to now -.- and next week we have to do our presentation. well, thanks -.-

my motivation is kinda down. dunno why. maybe i'm just getting old or anything else is bothering me and i haven't even noticed up to now.

i'm also having the feeling i did something really wrong. but i have absolutely no idea what this should be. but i'm always having this feeling while i'm chatting with a friend of mine. maybe it's just some kind of illusion of mine but i'm always thinking i did something wrong and she doesn't wanna tell me what i did so wrong o.O damn.. maybe i'm getting mad i think ôô... well, would that be anything new to some peeps who know me? i don't think so -.-

k, next topic... my mum. mum is doing well. speaking gets better and better. she's still shaking and mixing around the words but she's able to create more correct sentences than before. it's now two years and one month ago since she had her apoplectic stroke. the communication between her and me is also getting better. and between her and my brother. only my aunt Bärbel is doing a bit hard with her ôo maybe she should stop sounding so angry from time to time and take a few more minutes to explain things quietly.
DT half

Trains... and BOOK FAIR 2010! :D

Hey ho you little (happy) people out there :D


Before I start to write about my day @ Leipzig Book Fair, I tell you somethin’ about my first ‘I am travelling by train on my OWN!’:


The first part of the train trip was from Rostock Main Station to Berlin Main Station. The train was pretty empty and the only thing which was getting on my nerves was a small boy in the age of five or six I think. He was running around and wanted to do a lot of things a small unpatient boy wanna do in a train. Well, I hate children. I cannot stand them. So… he was gettin’ a bit on my nerves.


When the train started to move (2:53 pm), I pull out my Netbook ‘Netti’ and watched one episode of Doctor Who (watched: “The Next Doctor”, the Christmas special of 2008).  After the episode I tried to read something but I felt a bit strange while reading… I can’t read books while travelling o.O” *sigh*


So… I just stared out of the window, ate a few cookies with chocolate, drank some tea for my nerves, wrote a few short messages and waited. 5:15 pm I arrived Berlin Main Station. Well… I cannot really understand why so many peeps love this bloody city. I cannot really understand this fact. It’s dirty, it stinks in almost every corner you can find and it’s fucking BIG – and loud!


I was kinda desperate ‘cause I wasn’t able to find the toilet. Shortly before I wanted to shout out “WHERE THE HELL ARE THE FUCKING TOILETS?!” I found them XD And I found a small “cheap” bakerman. I bought myself somethin’ to eat, put that into my backpack and went to the toilets. Well, I thought I would only need 0,50 € but they wanted 0,80 € ~.~ yeah, that’s what I call the prices of a capitol… *sigh*


6:36 pm my train to Dresden Main Station came in. I was exhausted, frustrated and a bit unpatient (and I can be reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally patient…). The train was really full. Full with idiots =_____= My head felt like it’s going to explode. It hurts so much…


8:50 pm. Train arrived in Dresden Main Station. I can tell you… I’ve been pretty happy when I jumped out of this damn train to breath in the FRESH air.  Then, Becky ran to me and gave me a very big heavy HUG.


Well... my first trip with a train without a friend at my side… it was pretty hard for my poor nerves =o( I hope the trip back to Rostock on Wednesday will be better *sigh* even if I have to change the trains twice (first in Berlin, then in Schwerin). I still hate travelling by train.


Okay, enough about this horrible train trip. Let’s come to theeeeeeeeeeeee…..


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hmm.. which one...?


Whether you've chosen to have children or live child-free, how and when did you (or will you) reach this decision? If you're in a relationship, did you (or will you) decide separately or together?

At the age of 13 I noticed that i cannot handle children. I cannot stand them. I really dislike them. Doesn't matter if it's a baby, a small child, a kid of the age frim 6 to 12 or a teenager... I can't deal with kids. I can't even understand why every woman at my age thinks they're lovely and cute. And why they wanted such a "nice" and "cute" and "lovely" thingy soooo much and right now. *sighs*

I'm 19 now, 20 in September. And i still don't like children. I'm always getting some kind of nervous breakdown if a big group of kiddies is sittin' in my tram. Sometimes is just enough to see a mother with a baby which starts to cry and won't stop. Kids are only doing one thing for me... they're really getting on my nerves -.-